The End of Immortality
In the beginning, I’m counting in months, then in weeks, in days, in hours and as contractions start I count in minutes. After nine months, on 16th November 2017, our daughter was born. As waiting comes to an end I realize that this is just the start. Days become nights become endless. My own language somehow stops making sense anymore and the world outside that used to matter so much isn’t that important anymore. From now on, I’m seeing the world in a different light because the beginning of a new life has also brought mortality into my life. We all move one step forward in the game of life. I’m growing from being a child to being a father, my father becomes a grandfather and everything seems to repeat itself. Into my world of endless possibilities, highs and lows enter that I have never met before. For three months my little family and I are moving to the hilly landscape of my childhood to look for a home. I can’t seem to recognize my perception of a romantic relationship. Closeness and togetherness suddenly are in competition with self-determination and solitude. Time is limited. An emotional nearness replaces experiences of physicality.
While I’m trying to grasp the flourishing of my daughter, my best friend is mourning her mother’s early passing. We clear her family home from furniture and memories and burn dried sage in a bonfire to drive out the evil spirits. I count in months. Then in weeks, in days as we finally light the single candle on top of the sugar-free apple muffins we look at each other with sleepy eyes- from now on we’ll be counting in years.